Guardian Angels

One night several years ago, we were living with my Dad in his basement in Manti. Mandon and I were laying in bed talking. Jaden was sleeping out on the couch in the other room and little baby Oakley was sleeping in his crib next to us. We were just talking about the day, when a dark feeling started to enter the room. I tried to brush it off, but it got stronger and stronger. I asked Mandon if he felt that feeling and he said he did. We decided to say a prayer to ask for it to go away so we did. It only got stronger. We felt the feeling to go get Jaden and keep him near us and we also got Oakley and put him in bed with us. The feeling got stronger. It was so dark and powerful. The strongest feeling I can describe is fear. We said several more prayers. It just got stronger. It was undeniably the presence of a very powerful dark spirit. We could hardly speak. The darkness of this spirit was like nothing we had ever before experienced even in our lowest darkest points of life. It seemed to almost consume us. Mandon was on his knees praying and mid sentence Mandon yelled out, "By the power of the Holy Melchizedek priesthood and in the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave!" Slowly the presence and the dark feelings started to fade away. I felt such relief. But as the darkness was fading, an absolutely glorious presence started to fill the room. We could not speak. We just sat and wept. There were multitudes of angels there and they just kept coming. The love we felt was like nothing I had ever ever experienced before. I knew that these were spirits that know and love us immensely, that are with us often in life and that are doing work and fighting along with us on the other side.
I've often reflected on this experience and wondered what it means and why it happened. Last night Mandon and I were talking about it and other experiences and how they all relate. We were able to gain a little more inspiration into what it means. Satan knows Mandon well. Mandon has had 3 priesthood blessings that have said that he knew and loved Lucifer in the pre-existence. It was hard for him to choose when Lucifer fell because he loved him so much. Mandon has something very important to do in this life and Satan knows the power and ability that Mandon has. He wants our Mandon destroyed. He knows that as long as this family is intact, as long as I am in the way, he cannot destroy Mandon and so he tries his hardest to tear apart our family. He wants this family destroyed. But there is so much divine help and intervention from people both on this side of the veil and the other. There really is a huge battle going on and we have seen and know too much to deny it. We know we have been called. We know these things are true and we know that our Lord and Savior is coming in his full glory. He is coming. He is coming.

The battle

Well, I will just start with today. I told Mandon that I wanted to start this blog and he thought it was a really good idea. He gave me permission to talk about these things that have to do with him. The biggest thing right now is probably that Mandon is in the Johnson's unit. That is the psych unit at the hospital here in Eugene. This is the 4th time that Mandon has been on the psych unit. He has a few big things that he deals with. For one he is bipolar. After years of extreme ups and downs and seeing two completely different personalities, I think I am just starting to understand what bipolar is. Like our good neighbor and friend Brigham said, bipolar is like having a missing leg. It is not something that grows back. It doesn't just fix itself. With bipolar, you can't will it away, you can't pray it away. You can't get a lot of counseling and just get emotionally stronger to overcome it for good. It is not weak people that have bipolar. On the contrary I believe that it is really strong and amazing people that struggle with bipolar. And with having a missing leg, you can't walk very well if you don't have a prosthetic leg. I think I am finally realizing that Mandon CANNOT NOT be on medication. Another big thing that Mandon deals with is addiction. When he is cycling, especially when he is not adequately medicated, the addiction becomes more challenging to deal with. He uses it to self medicate. In turn the addiction completely feeds the bipolar and the chemicals released from acting out on his addiction totally messes up his brain chemistry and that is when things get really crazy. On top of that, I am a little crazy and codependent at times and don't always handle things in the best way.
Underlying these issues is the deeper issue of sexual abuse that Mandon experienced as a child. It has taken years for the memories to surface. Lots of spiritual healing and therapy has helped get it out. It has just been in the last couple of years that Mandon has been able to actually say that it happened. It is so weird the way the mind disassociates and separates those traumatic events from the conscious thought. But it is in no way quiet. It manifests itself one way or another.
At the Johnson's unit, they are focusing on getting Mandon stabilized on medication. Mandon has been on Lithium before and it seemed to work very well, but due to his heart issues no Dr. has allowed him to be on it. This psychiatrist feels like there is no threat to his heart as long as his levels are good. So he has started taking lithium. Mandon is already sounding better and more like his real self. On top of the medication there is lot of therapy there. Mandon calls me every day and tells me how things are going and what is going on. They talk a lot about the sexual abuse and how it is so connected to all of these things he is dealing with now. Mandon has about all of the typical signs and symptoms of an adult who has suffered childhood sexual abuse. It is totally crazy how deep the damage is. It affects all aspects of life from love, sex, intimacy, spirituality, confidence, productivity, parenting and the list goes on and on.
When Mandon is on his game, he is a spiritual powerhouse. I have no doubt that Mandon is here to do some very amazing and important things. But when he crashes, he crashes hard and low. On a spiritual level I think Satin works very very very hard to keep Mandon from accomplishing those things that he was sent here to accomplish. It is a hard battle that Mandon fights every day. Sometimes he looses some of the battles, but I think I know who is going to ultimately win this war.